February 2024 Update


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2024 started two months ago, but to me, new beginnings only begin now.

Today marks my final day at ORLIG and is a symbolic step towards a future that is more within my control.

Looking back

I have made reckless choices in rapid succession within the last few months:

  • Quitting my job whilst technically breaking contract terms, exhausting all the goodwill I’ve built up over the past half year.
  • Venturing forth to start my own company, in an industry that is heavily disrupted, opaque and stagnating.
  • Certifying to become a HealthyGamer Coach — a source of fulfilment, side income and personal growth.
  • Attempts to finish off my CrossFit credits I’ve regretfully bought last year.

Beyond the things that have happened to me, there are also notable things that I’m grateful for:

  • Met coaching clients who changed how I view the world and interact with people.
  • Finally got the chance to properly play with my niece and nephew.
  • Introduced Jamie to my extended family.
  • Hosted a meetup with friends at AYTP — a first for me.
  • Properly talked to my uncles.
  • Met my ageing grandparents, and cousins who I’ve not seen in a long while.
  • Had a nice morning walk by the paddy field and beach with dad, Dager and Jamie.
  • Jamie constantly preparing meals for my gym.
  • Setting up this website.

A lot has happened; and a lot is going to happen moving forward. Understandably, I’m excited for this newfound freedom of self-employment. I’ll be building a life that’s more in line with my personal beliefs:

  • Freedom to decide how I spend my day.
  • Freedom to decide how projects are completed.
  • Freedom to decide who I would like to work with.
  • Freedom to decide how I will grow as a person.

But with freedom also comes a lot of responsibility; anxiety being the helpless carriage carted along behind the steed named “enthusiasm”.

I’m constantly worried about:

  • Not earning enough money.
  • Not taking good care of myself.
  • Not being a good enough partner.
  • Not being a good enough friend and family member.
  • Not being a good enough boss.
  • Not being creative enough or having any value worth sharing.

Some of these worries are untrue — some only surfaced the moment I’ve brought them up.

But I know — that it’s going to be worth it in the end. Because there’s one freedom that I place above all else — the freedom to choose my own suffering.

For the longest time, I’ve chosen to live life actively and embrace growing pains — because what is the alternative?

To live life by default, living under undesirable circumstances instead of doing the undesirable work? That’s an even worse pain that I can imagine.

My impermanence should remind me of how I should conduct my day-to-day — light, floating and fleeting. Because life is just way too short and way too insignificant for me to be taking it this seriously.

Cheers to an uncertain future ahead.

Doing whatever I can, however I can, while I still can — and that is good enough for me.

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